


nothing is something

by louser



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Luna Lovegood, Trans Character, Year 6, book and movie mixed canon, dysphoria mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25337860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louser/pseuds/louser
Summary: “I’m not even sure I’m supposed to be speaking to you right now,” Neville sighed, looking hopeless and tired. “He said ‘enough to be sociable, create a nice atmosphere’ but also ‘not enough to distract from work.’ Would you say this is sociable or distracting?”“Perfectly sociable,” Luna reassured him with a confident nod. “Did you know that I’m nonbinary?”(Luna accidentally forgets to come out, and chooses to rectify this in a truly Luna fashion)
Relationships: Luna Lovegood & Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood & Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood & Xenophilius Lovegood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44
Collections: Trans Wizard Tournament 2020





	nothing is something

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lincyclopedia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lincyclopedia/gifts).



> Notes in advance:  
> \- It’s been a while since I read the books or watched the movies, so a lot of the details could be off. I tried to refresh my memory through the wiki and assorted fan sites as best I could, but there are probably still some mistakes. Sorry!  
> \- Dysphoria mentions are pretty mild, but to avoid them entirely, skip the paragraphs starting with “To Luna...” and “At some point, though, things began to get worse.”  
> \- Some aspects of Luna’s experience are based off of my own, while others come from what I’ve seen/heard from other people, and others are just how I think Luna as a character would feel. It’s not meant to be a representation of all nonbinary people! ^.^

It hadn’t been a secret. Luna wasn’t the sort of person who was prone to hiding their thoughts; in fact, they had been told on more than occasion that it might be better to share less. 

(Other people were apparently not keen on knowing that the floors were littered with dead colonies of wrackspurts, or that werewolves tended to have full-body dandruff.) 

It came as a bit of a shock, then, to hear that their friends had been tiptoeing around a subject that they had assumed was well-known. Surely Luna had mentioned it at some point. Surely it had come up. The fact of their gender couldn’t have been so new that their friends were only just beginning to contemplate it. 

There were times that Luna considered bringing it up between classes, maybe even during meals, but there always seemed to be something more pressing to discuss at the chosen moment. Year six was shaping up to be a difficult one, and when they weren’t lost in thought about the next issue of  _ The Quibbler _ , they were often thinking about the concerns of their friends and housemates. The others might not think that they paid them so much heed, but it was the truth. In all honesty, people could easily take up most of their thoughts on any given day. Humans were more difficult to parse than magical creatures. 

That was the situation as they stood in the middle of Slughorn’s party, swishing the skirt of their dress idly as they waited for Harry’s return. He’d taken off in rather a hurry, wearing the sort of look in his eye that usually preceded an astonishingly brave and bad idea, meaning that he would likely be gone for a good while. It would be the perfect opportunity to say something to Neville, who was holding a tray of hors d'oeuvres between them and chattering nervously about the litany of etiquette rules that the professor had loaded him down with before the evening began, but his own end of the conversation left almost no room to interject. 

“I’m not even sure I’m supposed to be speaking to you right now,” he sighed, looking hopeless and tired. “He said ‘enough to be sociable, create a nice atmosphere’ but also ‘not enough to distract from work.’ Would you say this is sociable or distracting?” 

“Perfectly sociable,” Luna reassured him with a confident nod. “Did you know that I’m nonbinary?” 

Neville spluttered and nearly dropped his tray. 

“You should be careful,” they warned. “It’s bad luck to eat off the floor.” 

“Is it? Wait, no-“ Neville appeared to steady himself, though his expression remained strained. “That’s not important. I mean, everything you say is important, but right now it’s- I’m not doing very well at this, am I?” 

Luna tilted their head in confusion. “At what?” 

“Being supportive.” 

“Hm. I would say you haven’t really started yet, so you can’t be doing badly.” 

“Oh. Thanks.” Neville rubbed sheepishly at the back of his neck with his free hand, trying at a lopsided smile. “I sort of guessed at it, but I didn’t want to assume anything.” 

Guessed at it? Had Luna really not said anything, then? Not one thing at all since making this stunning revelation about themself? “That’s very strange. I thought I’d told you.” 

“You’ve said… things. But I wasn’t sure if it was you… telling me something.” 

The way Neville spoke was always an extreme. If it wasn’t a quick and quiet splutter-stutter, then it was measured and pensive. Now it was the latter. Luna wondered what could have made him so cautious. “Things?” 

“Like the breathing potion.” 

Several weeks prior, Luna had indeed mentioned that they needed to go and procure another breathing potion after a rigorous chase on the castle grounds. Although the creature they had been attempting to capture (with Neville and Ginny providing assistance) had escaped as they realized that their breaths were coming shallower with each moment and skidded to a stop, it was clearly the better decision to let it think that it had won the day. Once Luna had freshened up and lessened the danger of suffocating themself to death, then they could return to catch it. When questioned as to why such a thing was necessary in the first place, they simply replied that it was difficult to run in a binder. 

“That was the first time?” Luna asked, more to themself than their companion. 

Neville seemed to think for a moment before replying. “No, just the most obvious.” 

Huh. Luna really hadn't come out to their friends, then. What a strange thought, that they hadn't shared a whole part of themself despite how ecstatic they had been to do so. How could that have happened?

Well, there was the incident on the train, of course, which led Luna to speak to Harry about an entirely different subject than they had been planning to after a whole summer apart. Noses and glasses and wrackspurts had felt much more important at the time. After that, Cho had been especially heartbroken over a series of unlucky events that had apparently ruined her time at home, and Luna had launched into a conversation with her about how Venus had been in retrograde, and so, things really should start to look up soon. Then there was the news that Ginny was now dating Dean, then the drama surrounding Harry’s new fan club, then the first Quidditch game, then several chores that Hagrid needed help with, then Ron and Lavender, and… Oh. Yes, there really had been so many more things that Luna had been busy with, they must have been too distracted to realize that they hadn't yet come out. It was entirely accidental, really. 

As they stared up at the ceiling in contemplative silence, Neville still standing awkwardly beside them, Hermione approached with the slinking posture of a hunted animal. 

“Hide me,” she pleaded. “I can’t take another moment with my ‘date.’” 

“We could hide under a table,” Luna suggested, eyeing the nearest one. “He doesn’t seem like the kind of person who looks down very much.” 

Neville smiled. “Might as well have our own party down there.” 

Ah! Now there was an idea. 

* * *

If Luna wanted to spread the news to all of their friends as quickly and easily as possible, the best way would be to have their own party. It made sense; a party got everyone into the same place at the same time, and it also put them at ease. They could hold it in the Ravenclaw common room, or- oh. No. No, it would have to be in the Room of Requirement! There was no other option! That room held so many memories for all of them, and not to mention, it would make the setup and cleanup so much easier to deal with. 

“Alright, Luna?” Ginny asked at breakfast the next morning. “You seem to be in your head more than usual.” 

“I’m planning a party,” Luna answered while munching on toast. “For after the holiday, I think.” 

“Am I invited?” 

“Of course.”

“Fantastic.” Ginny grinned and rested her chin in her hand. “What are we partying for?” 

Maybe it would be better to wait until the party, just so that Luna could better keep track of who currently did and did not have confirmation of their gender, but Ginny spent more time with Luna than many other people, and it would be nice to be out to even just one more person in the meantime. “I’m coming out as nonbinary.” 

“Yeah, that’s a pretty important occasion.” Ginny’s smile brightened further. “I like it. A coming out party! It sounds like… a debutante thing. Except more fun.” 

“It’ll be lots of fun. I’ve already convinced the ghosts to come.” Even Helena had agreed to make a short appearance, out of the way of the general festivities, just to show her support. Peeves was the easiest to convince; Luna only hoped he would hold off on his more destructive pranks until everyone had a chance to enjoy themselves. “I’m trying to decide who else should come. Harry will, of course, because he invited me to a party already. It’s only fair to ask him. Then I suppose Hermione and Ron will come as well, though likely not together right now.” 

Ginny managed to look both amused and pitying at the same time. “Probably not. Poor saps.” 

“Neville knows already, but I wouldn’t want to leave him out. You know now, but I already said you were invited.” Luna paused to think a moment. “All of Dumbledore’s Army would be nice.” 

“We could try to use the galleons, but I’m not sure how effective it will be. If not, we might have to put in some legwork to invite them all.” 

“I wouldn’t mind that.” 

“No?” 

“I miss them,” Luna responded simply. “In any case, I think we should get ready to leave soon. I don’t want to miss the train.” 

* * *

Life at home was good. Their dad had waited to clear out the gnomes from the yard so that they could help, and they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the cool air outside. Neither of them had ever been indoor people unless there was an activity to be done (writing, researching, or tinkering, to name a few), which meant that a paltry thing like the arrival of winter would do nothing to stop the Lovegoods from unwinding out of doors. 

Luna shoved their hands into their pockets and watched the air leave their mouth. It floated up in a poofy gray trail, not unlike a dragon, and they smiled at the thought. 

“Is the coat keeping you warm enough?” their father asked, leaning forward in his chair to inspect its fit over their slight frame. Although Xenophilius Lovegood was himself rather short and skinny, he was still a full head taller than his child and beat them by a few pounds. As such, the coat that he had proudly gifted Luna with upon their realization of their gender entirely engulfed them. It hung so loosely off of Luna that it was almost more of a dress, but the thought behind the gift was enough to make them never want to wear anything else. 

Without their father, Luna might never have given a thought to it. Gender was… a non-issue. Some people made a big hullabaloo about it, like the boys who screeched at the mere thought of being seen in the color pink, but Luna had never quite understood that. Others seemed to have a strong, innate sense of it, like it was just a part of who they were, like it was something they put a lot of thought into. Ginny herself was trans, and she was very open about her relationship with womanhood, which helped Luna to understand to an extent. But it was never something that they had experienced themself. 

To Luna… it was nothing important, for the most part. They didn’t feel any connection to womanhood, to any of the things they were supposed to do or like. They didn’t care about being  _ seen  _ as feminine enough for anything. It was impossible not to hear the way that some of the others talked about them, saying that Luna was strange in more ways than one, that they might be pretty despite their odd proclivities if only they would put in the effort, but Luna didn’t want to be seen as pretty. Luna didn’t want to be seen as anything. Kind, maybe. And smart. But not pretty, or beautiful, or feminine. In fact, the very idea that those words being used in reference to themself classified them as a girl made them vaguely uncomfortable, but they shrugged it off as being upset that it focused only on appearances. There were more important things to build an identity around, like being a helper for  _ The Quibbler  _ or discovering a new species. 

At some point, though, it did begin to get worse. It began to be distressing when attention was called to their status as a “girl.” It hurt to be referred to as such, in a way that they couldn’t quite comprehend. They began to feel a building discomfort whenever they were seen by someone not close to them. When the boys of their year stared after them in the halls, sometimes quite obviously at their chest, it was profoundly upsetting. Cho said that she experienced the same thing, that it made her feel gross as well, but it didn’t seem to be for all of the same reasons. It was around this time that Luna realized that they could find ways to make themself look different, and with the help of Madam Pomfrey’s breathing potion, they were once again able to traverse the castle grounds without a single thought as to who might be looking. 

They spoke about it with their father over the summer, of course, and he had been the one to mention that they might not be a girl after all. It was a much more surprising suggestion than Luna’s initial thought, which was that they had inhaled some nefarious fog that stole certain emotions and added others in their place. They discussed the possibilities at length between other topics, Xenophilius assuring his child at every step that he loved them more than anything no matter what, and that he didn’t want to influence whatever label they settled upon for themself, if they chose any label at all. 

“I am nothing,” they had said in a moment of sudden clarity. “Is that an option?” 

“You are what you are,” Xenophilius responded with a smile to rival the sun. He had stood from the table and reached out a jovial hand to help his child to their feet. “There are no options when it comes to lived experience! We’ve created every word we use to describe it!” 

He had then led them in a short dance across the room and baked a three-tiered cake to celebrate. The two of them went through Luna’s closet and tossed anything that no longer felt right, then went through Xenophilius’s and took anything that did. Luna was a few form-fitting shirts short of their previous wardrobe, but they had gained a handful of vests and dress shirts, along with their new favorite coat. 

“I’m perfectly toasty,” they answered with an airy smile. “Thank you again.” 

“No need for thanks, Luna dear, we did what was needed.” 

“Alright then,” Luna replied. They let out a quiet, contented sigh as the sun sank low over the horizon. “Do you remember the cake you made me?” 

Xenophilius hummed in the affirmative, tapping his fingers on his armrest in time with the nodding of his head. “Devil’s food, lemon, and maple.” 

“Would you teach me how to bake it myself?” 

* * *

The Room of Requirement was all abuzz with activity the night after their return to Hogwarts. Upon their arrival, Ginny proudly announced that she had managed to reach out to almost every member of Dumbledore’s Army over Christmas, whether through the galleons or through post, and almost all had agreed to come. Luna had made a point of inviting many other guests as well, such as certain members of the staff. Firenze chatted with Hagrid in the corner, and Professor Flitwick swayed along to a song that some of the more rambunctious students had started an off-key chorus of. With the ghosts also milling about, it was beginning to feel rather crowded. 

“Does it feel right?” Ginny asked, straightening out a stubborn wrinkle in her skirt. “Have we missed anything?” 

Luna glanced around the room. The decorations were plentiful and loud, from purple and yellow streamers to a never-ending rain of sparkles that fell from the ceiling. All of the guests had arrived. The cakes they had prepared had yet to be eaten (and would not be until they had made their announcement), but Luna was proud of the way they had turned out. There didn’t seem to be anything else to worry about. And yet… 

Hm. How very strange. This had all been their very own idea, but part of Luna almost wished that they hadn’t gone through with it. The twisting feeling that began to build in their gut was not the sort of reaction they had been expecting from an event that they had so carefully planned- that they had even looked forward to so much!- yet here it was. 

“I don’t know,” Luna answered honestly. “I’m feeling a bit queasy.” 

Ginny’s brows drew down in concern. “Are you alright? Do you need to sit down?” 

“No, I’m fine. I promise I won’t vomit all over your nice clothes.” 

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” 

“I won’t vomit on anything else, either.” 

Ginny cracked a smile and led Luna by the elbow to a short wooden bench against the nearest wall. It was situated just behind the snack table, which was almost empty of food by now, and as such, no longer crowded at all. She gave Luna a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay to be nervous about it. You’re taking a big step! A really big one!” 

“Do you think that’s the problem?” Luna asked, leaning forward in enthusiasm. “I’m nervous about saying it to everyone?” 

Luna had never been particularly good at reading feelings, their own or anyone else’s. Maybe it was part of the reason why they had such trouble making friends, at times. That Ginny was able to cut to the core of the situation so quickly was more than a relief; it felt almost like a miracle. 

“I think that’s only natural,” Ginny replied. “It’s scary to tell people who you are, even if you think they’ll react well. There’s always going to be the fear that they don’t take you seriously, and that… hurts. A lot. It’s okay if you find you aren’t ready to deal with that just yet; do everything at the pace that’s most comfortable for  _ you,  _ not just because you feel you owe it to everyone or something.” 

“I think I want to. My insides just don’t want to cooperate with me.” 

“Then I’ll be right here for you no matter what.” Ginny’s words were more comforting than Luna had thought they would be. Some of the roiling in their gut calmed at the image of having someone there at the end of it all, regardless of whether or not it went well. In fact, there were many someones who would be there after the fact. Ginny, Neville, Harry, Hermione, Ron… each of them were Luna’s friends. As they processed this realization, Ginny reached around Luna’s shoulders to give them a short, tight squeeze. “And if anyone has anything to say, I’ll hurt them. Physically.” 

Luna turned into the embrace and squeezed back. 

* * *

Stepping onto the platform that the Room had so generously provided, Luna cleared their throat loud enough to gather the attention of the few guests who stood closest. Luckily, they quieted upon seeing that their host had decided that now was the time to speak, and with their shushing the people behind them, the space fell quiet within thirty seconds. 

“Good evening everyone,” Luna greeted the crowd with a wave. They wondered how they must have looked up there, in a striped blue sweater of their father’s that they’d hemmed in and a poofy tulle skirt. Perhaps they should have gone with their lucky fluffy socks as well, the ones that reached halfway up their calf, but they hadn’t wanted to waste any of the luck (since it might be needed during a faceoff with He Who Shall Not Be Named, of course). Perhaps they shouldn’t have gone with the skirt, in case it didn’t send the right message. Perhaps- 

Oh, this wasn’t very Luna at all. The worrying and the fussing and the thinking about appearances. Since when had they given an owl’s tail feathers about what others thought about their clothes? Whether Luna wore a skirt or pants, they were always going to be nonbinary clothes, because Luna was the one wearing them. If one of these people saw them as a girl because they wore the clothes they liked best, then they simply didn’t have to talk! That was all! 

“Good evening,” Luna started again. “Thank you for coming to my party. I didn’t expect that so many of you would show up, as- to be honest- I suspected that many of you didn’t like me much.” 

They could hear Ron snort from his position three people back. 

“I like you all very much, though. Which is why you’re here. Well, actually you’re here so that I can tell you all that I’m nonbinary, which means that I am not a girl. Or a boy, for that matter. I could pick another label to be more specific if I wanted to, but I don’t, so I won’t. I think that’s all.” Luna stopped to think for a moment, letting their mind drift from the trembling of their fingers to the words that they had been longing to say and whether they had all been said. “Yes, I think that’s all done. Oh, please use ‘they’ pronouns for me as well. My name is still Luna, though. Feel free to have cake now.” 

Without waiting for a response from the crowd, Luna hopped down from the platform and politely shuffled through their guests to the cake table. Several people offered sincere congratulations as they passed, and a few even clapped them on the shoulder. A Hufflepuff girl approached just as Luna began to go for their first slice of maple cake, explaining that she had mistakenly taken the party for a birthday celebration, and left Luna with a carefully wrapped box that “works just as well as a coming out present, I suppose!” That was very nice of her, Luna made sure to say, though it was also pretty funny. 

People congratulated and asked questions of Luna until the time to head back to the dormitories rolled around. Although they appreciated the thought immensely, it was taking a toll on them by the time they could finally take a moment to themself. The positive attention had eased their nerves, but the tossing and turning feeling in their stomach had been replaced by exhaustion almost as soon as they’d taken themselves off the platform.

“Good night, Luna,” came a familiar voice from behind. There were few people still milling about at this point; some of the ghosts floated around the room, and Professor McGonagall seemed to be waiting for the last of the students to filter out, but most had already left. 

Turning around, Luna saw Neville standing with his hands in his pockets. 

“Thank you for coming,” Luna answered. 

Neville smiled. “Thanks for having me.” 

“That’s a strange thing to thank someone for.” 

“Not when it’s for something important!” 

“Okay. You’re welcome, then.” 

“Thank you. Er- wait, that doesn’t feel right.” While Luna stared at him intently, Neville pulled his hands out of his pockets with stiff, jerky movements. “But, um. What I really wanted to say was more along the lines of- well, I wanted to say I’m proud of you? But that sounds infantilizing. I just think it’s really cool of you to do something like this. Big and… in front of everyone… anyways, I guess my real question was if I could give you a hug.” 

“You may.” 

Luna held their own arms out in invitation, and Neville wrapped them up into a hug so strong that he lifted them briefly from the floor. The sensation was nice. Warm. 

When they pulled apart, Neville seemed to have lost whatever nerves  _ he  _ had been suffering from. He began to make his exit, but turned back within his first few steps. “I’m glad you’re my friend. I’d like it if we always could be, so nothing is ever going to change that. You, ah, know that, right?” 

Something warmed in Luna’s chest at the question. “I do.” 

“Oh. Great! Yeah, that’s great.” Neville puffed out awkwardly. Peeves let out a mad cackle from above him. “Do you want me to walk you back to your common room?” 

“Yes, please.” 

Luna looped their arm through Neville’s and allowed him to lead them away. It was a nice feeling, to be oneself, and to not be alone. 


End file.
